I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
