I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize