I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
