Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
ok first of all what the fuck
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
