Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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