I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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