I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
