How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I need moral support for this bender
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
