Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
