I wish life had little blips of pornography
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
