I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
