My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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