Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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