Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
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no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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