Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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