Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
