so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
NoShamevember. You game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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