it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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