Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
