My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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