someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
