So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
