You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
