people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
