I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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