We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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