I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
