For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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