Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
