This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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