Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
