mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
