Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
