This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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