i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
