1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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