so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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