as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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