When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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