I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
