I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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