I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
