Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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