I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
handjob tips. give me some.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
