Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
PANTIES FOUND
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
