the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
