I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
