This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
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I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
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He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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