I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
