So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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