Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
