If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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