I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.