just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza