I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
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Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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