I accidentally burped into my bong.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.