I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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