I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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