Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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