K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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