Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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