i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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