My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
