return my video game
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
